Hello, I’ll Be Your Toddler Tour Guide for This Trip Out the Front Door
by Elizabeth Preston
Good morning! And thanks to everyone for joining me today. Over the next ninety minutes, we’re going to travel out the front door. I hope everyone’s wearing comfortable shoes and feeling well-rested!
For the first part of our trip we’ll — hold on, I’m naked from the waist down. You weren’t going to let me go outside like that, were you?
Let’s head to the site of me taking my pants off earlier. On our way, we’ll pass through the dining room: notice how all the architecture has a patina of yogurt. And look, you can see the pants to your right. However, those pants are green and I’m no longer willing to wear green pants today.
Now we’ll travel through the baby gate and upstairs to get a diaper and some different pants. No, I’m sorry, no one can separate from the group. I need to walk up the stairs with you or I WILL throw myself on the floor and yell loud enough that people on the street can hear.
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